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PRAGMATIC

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For the past several years the word “pragmatic” has been popping up in my conversations with my husband whenever we got into any serious discussions about life and our place in it. Now that we are retired we have a lot more time to have these talks, and it has been amazing to me how we have gotten better acquainted with each other by just sitting and talking.  After almost 24 years you would think that we are used to each other’s ways, but that is not always the case.  When you both have a job somewhere there isn’t always time to really get down to the nitty gritty of how you feel deep inside about certain subjects.  We think that we know most of how the other person will react to everyday subjects because we have been together for so long.

Each of us seems to have a certain boiling point, and we know pretty much what it is, so we try to avoid it. What is the point of having an argument when you know that you aren’t going to change the other one’s mind anyhow? That is what I call “pragmatism”, when you know what is important and what really isn’t. Like when you know that you really should get after that extra load of washing, but it surely will  wait until tomorrow.  Or the grass certainly needs cutting, but you can always do it later.

“Realism” seems to be a synonym that works just as well.  One of the advantages of getting older is you begin to realize that it is a waste of time and energy to force anything upon anyone. Realism tells you that it is all going to work out just as it was meant to anyhow, regardless of what you do, or push or shout.  If at the same time your spouse is learning the same lessons as you are, why, you are a very lucky person, and they will be happy to embrace your pragmatism.  You will live in a more joyful house, and your children and friends will call you blessed.

A pragmatic is one who accepts what is, and is happier for it.  But a pragmatic is also one who looks for the silver lining, because they know it is here somewhere.

 

 

A SAFE HAVEN FOR WRITERS

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Retirement.

As we move forward in our lives retirement is not always as easy as we had hoped this new stage of life would be.  At the very least we can agree that things have a way of changing. What sounded so great when we were in our 50’s sometimes takes on a very different hue than we had planned for. So we make adjustments and somehow it all seems to work out for the better.

One of the things that has become a really great blessing is the way we have of making new friends, and best of all, they are friends that we have a common interest with.  We may have a wide variety of backgrounds, and different ways of looking at the world around us, but this is all to our benefit as we come together and share all of our thoughts and experiences. Subjects that we never even thought of are brought forward in great detail.  Life growing up in a Maine community many years ago becomes fascinating when you are hearing it firsthand from the one who lived it.  European experiences bring a whole different culture to the forefront when it comes to you across the table in your group of writers.

And we are all writers.  We all have the urge to write, to express ourselves, to share a part of us that may have been hidden before.  We may have written all of our lives, but reading it out loud in front of other members is another kettle of fish, as my father used to say.  Hearing the quiver in someone’s voice, knowing the fear that lurks beneath the surface as they reveal an inner part of themselves to us, we all are sympathetic to our creative friends. It takes real courage to bare your soul, to allow others to know the inner you. And we do it, week after week, and somehow it seems to get easier each time, as we realize we are safe among our creative friends. We can relax, knowing that we reside safely in this circle.

Our class means a great deal to me. What others say about my writing is important to my development as a writer.  When I write it is like I am talking to them, my friends. As I am reading, I can hear the rhythm of my voice, and it is very comforting to me to be able to express my thoughts.

It is also a very good feeling to listen to others and know that we all have a very special place in each others lives. We are showing that creativity expands in our life no matter what the age, and we have an important function to fulfill.

The main thing that I have been taught in our class is that we are all survivors.  We have all been thru the mill, done what had to be done, and we have survived. And we all still have a smile on our faces for our friends. I see the victorious human spirit in everyone in our class and it gives me great pride to say that I am a member of our Creative Writers class in Betmar Acres in Zephyrhills, Florida.

THE LISTMAKER

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If you have ever been lucky enough to live with a Virgo, this information is going to be no surprise to you.  Virgos are the people who make lists, for everything that they do or want to do, or plan to do.  Their first inclination is to pick up a pen and start writing whenever something new shows up.  You notice that I say “lucky”, because they love to make these lists.  In fact they have probably saved your life more than once by their lists when you have forgotten what you need to do in your life.

I bring this subject up because I am a Virgo.  Yes, and that is the way it is.  I make lists all of the time.  I write everything down before I go anywhere. Of course I don’t always remember to take the list with me.  When I was much younger just writing it down would make it lodge firmly in my mind, and I wouldn’t even need the paper with me.  Now things have changed somewhat and I find I need to take the list with me.  I even forget from one aisle to another what I need to get, if I don’t have the list.  Time happens to us all, and it sure has happened to me.

Today is the big day.  I pulled out my old Florida/Michigan notebook that I have been using for five years.  There is a page for “Taking to Florida”, another for “Taking to Michigan”, one for “Things to do before I go to Florida”, and yet another for “Things to do before I go to Michigan”. Every year I add to the pages until I finally have to start another one.  I must have 10 total pages by now.  Things are crossed out when I have decided I no longer need to take or do them, or added when I decide I must have it with me.  It is amazing how much we can actually put in our Toyota, and still have room to sit down in the front seat. I have no excuses, I just seem to need to have certain things around me in order to be comfortable.

So I have begun this spring’s project.  As I start packing I keep checking my pages, filling the boxes, crossing out the old ones that don’t work anymore. I make all of the phone calls and change all of the addresses.  We will be leaving sometime next week, and in the front seat I will have my notebook.  When we arrive in Michigan I will start unpacking the boxes and doing the fun job of putting everything in its place.  Hopefully I will have remembered to bring everything with me that will make me happy in my northern home for a few months.  I’ll put away my lists in a safe place until I am ready to travel south again.

Okay, so that project is done.  Up north I can start a new list before I go grocery shopping because my shelves are really bare up there.  I really need my list to make sure that I get everything I need because I live 25 miles from the store I trade at.

Thank goodness for having a Virgo in our house, that loves to make lists.  I am sure that is what my husband must think!

SPEAKING OF CURRENT POLITICS

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Maybe our main problem is that our current candidates are a reflection of what some Americans have become.  As a people we are expecting the candidates to be much more principled in everyday life than we are.  And when they fail as humans do, we see everything in strict “either this or that” instead of realizing that in a democracy we have to learn to compromise. We expect the candidate to be all our way in everything or we denigrate them. It is better to be an independent to my way of thinking, and to pick out the person that fits most closely regardless of party.

On a lighter note, I wish to pay tribute to a grandson who was replying on Facebook to a disgusting picture of some desecrated graves.  He said, “One person with a spray can, that does something horrible, is just one person. Showing kindness, love, and respect makes your life matter.  Showing it to others lets them know you believe that they matter.  If we all do this it won’t take long to understand that this Planet is far too small for hate.  The need for and the ability to love is in us at birth, but hate is taught and learned.”

As a society we need to listen to the voices of our young people, who remind us of our better natures.

 

HEROINES

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From the vantage point of being a mother, a grandmother, and even a great grandmother now, I would like to talk about some of the heroines of our current day.

At one time, a long, long time ago, the place of the average mother was in the home.  There is no doubt that she was a hard worker and seldom had much spare time for herself. She was the one who kept everything running on a day to day basis, with some suggestions from her hard working husband. When children were ill, or needed clean clothes, or someone to go to PTA meetings she was the one in charge.  Our mothers, aunts, and grand mothers all did their part in this process.

But somewhere along the line things began to change.  Mothers still did all of these things at home, but now they began to go out into the workplace in addition. Life became very hectic for women as this world gradually began to accept and then to expect them to be workers in business.

Since women had learned the skills that were necessary to do a good job they were welcomed as additions to the outer world.  They brought their organizing skills right along with them.

So now it is a whole new prospect.  I would like to nominate my heroines, the young women we know who are doing double duty and showing us how capable they are. They work at home and they work in the community. They find new ways of earning an income by sales or crafts, or even by politics. They are showing their children that women can do whatever needs to be done, and they go wherever someone needs them.

And yet they still are putting their children and their spouses first, as women have always done.  It is a wonderful thing to see our younger women taking over for us.

I salute them all, they are my heroines, and I am so proud of them!

 

WHAT IF

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What if I had known when I worked in this beautiful building, so many years ago, where my love for books and my experiences would lead me? in 1950, 1951, and 1952 this was my home for two hours a day, Monday thru Friday, and eight hours on Saturday.

This is the Hackley Public Library in Muskegon, Michigan, and it really was home to me. The Children’s Room was on the 2nd floor, and one of my most vivid memories is walking up the long, wide, and steep stairs, to where a world full of books awaited me. I was only about five when I started climbing those stairs.  My mother made sure that I got there almost every week.  There were many thousands of books because it was one of the best libraries in the United States, and it had been given to the City of Muskegon by a lumber baron, Charles Hackley, and endowed by him. He also gave a hospital, an art gallery, a school, a bank, and many other gifts. Every year we would have a program in our schools honoring him and then we would be free to go home, so as children we especially loved Hackley Day.

The library had a rule at that time that a child could check out books only from the Children’s Room until they got to the 9th grade.  But long before that happened I had found friends and family members who would go with me to the downstairs stacks and check out books for me. My most prized possessions were my books, and reading was everything to me.

When I reached my 16th birthday the first thing that I did was go downtown to the library and submit an application for employment. My first job was upstairs with the children.  I couldn’t wait until I could go there every day and read whatever I wanted to. The first year I shelved books, pushing a big cart, and I used to compete with myself to see how fast I could do it. By the second year I was typing catalog cards and helping to mend books.  And whenever I could I was sneaking books that I wanted to read to the back room where I had a secret stash.

Every day I walked from our high school about 3/4 of a mile to the library. One of my good friends, Marion, worked in the library also, but downstairs, and we would scurry together.  When my work was done I ran to the bus stop, a few blocks away, to catch a ride. Several miles later I stepped down and hurried home to the supper that my mother had ready for all of us. Occasionally I would miss the bus and then I would really hear about it when I got home late. In the winter it would be dark and cold, and I would be somewhat nervous walking the 2 1/2 blocks.

In the spring of 1952 I applied for work as a savings teller at the Hackley Bank, and was really excited to be hired. My father was so proud, because at that time 17 year old girls just didn’t work in banks. I felt right at home there, in a bank named Hackley.

Many years have gone by since those early days but I have never lost my love for reading every book that I find, and now I have carried it forward by writing about the love that I find  wherever I go.  Books are the bridge between us all, and watching our young children as they discover the fun of reading is one of the great pleasures in our lives.

 

LIFE JUST KEEPS ON GOING ON

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This has been a week full of ups and downs.  We have a new great grandson, and we are eyeing him thru the miracle of the Internet, on our phones or our tablets.  As grandparents do we all smile and remember when our own children were born, and everything seems so different! My own parents didn’t even see their first grandson until he was five months old.  My husband had been drafted during the Korean War and so the baby was born in Colorado.

But we lost a family member this week also, one of my first cousins that I hadn’t seen in many years.  As I went looking on the “Memories” page of the funeral home I saw how much she had contributed to this earth because her grandchildren had written how much they would miss her loving spirit.  And I realized anew how important it is to society to have the bonds of grandchildren and grandparents to each other. There can be a specialness to this relationship that endures forever. The grandparent is filled with love and hope just as they are with their own children, but without the day to day disciplines and responsibilities that come with parenting.

When we see our grandchildren with all of the hopes and dreams that we remember from our own childhood we are filled with joy to see that life does go on. Even if we never managed to do all of the things that we planned on ourselves, we see that there is a whole new generation that can do it for us. The sky seems to be limitless for our dreams for them. And when we actually see them accomplishing the things we never managed to do, that is joy without measure.

Now our own children are experiencing the joys of being grandparents.  It is a pleasure to see their excitement and to know how much it will mean for them. Scattered all over the country, yet we are able to keep a close eye on them and we revel in their day to day accomplishments.

Life is so full of both joy and sadness, but underlining it all is Love.  And having grandchildren is the bridge that will lead us forward. We see the sweetness in them and the hope that we all have for their own expectations, and we are filled with thankfulness that they have been loaned to us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS

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How long has it been since you had “one of those days”? You know what I mean, nothing seems to go the way that you planned when you got up that morning. You know, not just the things that didn’t go right, but the ones where you just screwed up.  You said or did something that should have never even been mentioned.

Maybe you said something that was really meant to be funny to everyone, but then you realized that it would hurt someone because they would think you were talking about them.

Maybe you made a comment about a group of people or the way they dressed, and you really didn’t mean to have anyone take it the wrong way.  Maybe it was about religion or politics, or just anything guaranteed to cause a stir. And then the room got very quiet and you realized “Oops, I shouldn’t have done that.”

And very quietly some brave soul, the one with the “milk of human kindness”, changed the subject, or they smiled and said something light to take the heat off of you.

We all do or say dumb things at times and then we want to curl up in a corner somewhere. We are embarrassed that we even opened our mouth without thinking of others.

But the people that we like to have around us, the ones who overlook our stupidity, who know we are all in this world together, these are the people who spread “the milk of human kindness”, as William Shakespeare once so aptly wrote.

Whenever you meet someone with this quality be thankful that you have them in your life. They will not judge you harshly. And without saying a word of reproach they will remind you that you can strive for this quality  and be a worthy friend also.

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TAKING A CHANCE

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Taking a chance on love. The first thought that comes to my mind is the song, “Taking a chance on love” by Ella Fitzgerald. No matter who we meet, no matter how we seem to fit when we meet someone new, it is always a chance that we take.  Smiles can help, thoughts can intertwine with each other, we can feel the instant surge of knowing this is someone we are in tune with, but still, it is all emotion.  We are reacting to the presence of someone new, and the question is really, can we trust our emotions?

We know from experience over a lifetime that emotions aren’t always trustworthy.  There is an old saying, “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.” We all have friends who have found that out to be true.  Some of us can attest to that ourselves.  We also have friends who have been married forever, and their lives seem to be very happy and on an even keel.

Throughout our lives we take a lot of chances.  How about deciding on our education, not knowing whether we are really suited for the course we are embarked on? When we start to hunt for the perfect job to learn our trade, there are a lot of detours possible.  As a woman, what will you do about having a family and raising children? If you decide to take a chance and wait until you are in your 30’s will you still have the opportunity to do so later on?

Life is full of taking chances.  I took a lot of them myself over the years. Some of them turned out well, but others definitely could have gone a lot differently.  But the chances that you take are going to affect a lot of other people over the years, your family, friends, and unknown others.  Remember it is not just your self.

So take your chances.  If you feel that you are taking them for the right reasons, for love for yourself or for others, it probably eventually will turn out all right.

At the very least you can always say as did Wm. Shakespeare, “To thine own self, be true.!” You can say, “I took a chance on life.”

 

 

 
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WAITING

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Somewhere in your life you have to decide that it is just time to relax, pull in the reins, and wait for what is going to happen. No matter what it is that you are waiting for, maybe you have waited for a really long time, but it is just out of your hands.
You may very well think that you know what should happen, may have believed it fervently for longer than you care to remember, but it is still a dream in your mind, and you may even have looked at it in the wrong way.
But that doesn’t mean that the “someday” will never come to you in the future.
Things change and circumstances change and sometimes even people change. Who is to know when the dream may appear in all its glory, even better than you ever imagined.
And if you are very wise, you will welcome it gladly, whatever it turns out to be. It might not be exactly as planned but it will surely be a wonderful thing. You will rejoice that all is well in your world and remember your most comforting thought, the one that has carried you throughout your life.
God is in charge, and I am so thankful!